THE STORY TELLER |
It was in the sink.
I three inch long piece of what looked like cooked fat. Like a bit of gristle from a roast. It was an inch or so wide and had a dark end. This hunk of garbage had, I reminisced, the face of a grub, without sharp details. I knew that because my dad took me fishing all the time when I was a kid. I thought in my tomboy way that they were kind of cute. It was a fantasy of mine that the fish were attracted to them due to this characteristic.
.
I stared at the little yuck for about a minute wondering how it got in the sink. My mind raced trying to remember what I had eaten in the last few days that would explain the hunk of jelly-gray that sat in my normally spotless sink. Nothing I ate would explain its presence. Was it a bit of burrito that a friend threw in carelessly, a smidgen of jellied Mexican tortilla?
Then I did the oddest thing-I picked it up to see if it would move of its own accord. There was no 'squeam' in me. I was a just barely attractive, solidly built one hundred and sixty pound -five foot seven- athletic woman, with a mild curious attraction to other women and a yearning for men that never yearned for me. So the idea of picking up this little grotesque was not that difficult or traumatic. The underside was flat and had the appearance of the bottom of a slug, a creature that bass found irresistible, the sides flared out and had a rippled affect.
The decision was made- it was not and had never been alive. It was disgusting and in to the garbage disposal it went without further thought or delay. The switch was flipped and the thing was ground into tiny pieces to be flushed away. I did move back a bit, one could not be too careful, if it was or had been alive there might be germs now floating in the air. I ran to the bathroom and retrieved a can of disinfectant. Returning to the kitchen, I sprayed generously until I was satisfied that all was as it should be.
The clock my mother had given me chimed seven. A run was in order, I made a rule to never eat past seven and the exercise would be just the ticket since my appetite had left anyway.
I did my usual three miles and returned home to shower and watch a little television. I undressed in my bedroom and went into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror turning right and left, it wasn't that bad. There was almost no fat on me, less than ten percent, 'big boned' my Mom always said. I turned completely around and checked my bottom, my best feature in spite of my size, I wondered why something as ugly as a grub could attract fish and something as magnificent as my rump attracts no one. I then stared hard at my face letting the over the mirror light catch all the angles possible. I am not bad looking, I mean, I wasn't cover girl pretty but I did have a quality. Maybe tomorrow, for a change, I'll put on some makeup.
I stepped into the shower and adjusted for temperature when it was right I allowed the wet warmth to run over me. I heard a noise in the living room, a bump, as if someone had knocked something over. This would not do. I climbed out of the shower and quietly tiptoed into my bedroom and over to my bed. Picking up the Louisville slugger, that got me an award last summer for highest batting average in the women's league, the burglar had a painful surprise coming. Whoever was in my apartment was not invited and the last thing he would see would be a naked Amazon with a baseball bat.
No one was there. My apartment was empty and it was sad somehow. Even an intruder would have been company. I sighed in disappointment and returned to the shower. I don’t know what made me look down but there on the tiled floor, in front of the shower stall, was another bit of gruesome. The idea that it was there was disquieting but almost nothing else. I squatted down to have a better look.
" Well my little ort of roasted beast fat what brings you to my bath?"
I laughed out loud even though a deeper part of me shivered at its gelatinous presence.
Then an extraordinary thing seemed to happen. The little gristle was lying in a small puddle of water, which disappeared as I watched. That was it, I was going to put on my pajamas and have a cookie, or four, milk and watch a little Soccer, as was my custom on any other Thursday night. It wasn't pajamas I picked, it was a baby doll, a pink baby doll, full of lace and fluff. A ridiculous thing that a long previous boy-idiot friend thought was sexy. I missed him, the ass.
"Yeah I missed his ass." I murmured the truth of my thoughts.
I put it on over my partially dried body and went to the living room to settle in for a little sports action.
The game was great but that thing was in there infecting my bathroom. I hadn't watched ten minutes of the game when I was up and had that disgusting filth between my thumb and forefinger. It was down the disposal with a satisfying roar and I was feeling exhilarated at its demise or disposal.
Comedy was in order, so back to the living room absently wiping the trace of wetness from my fingers on the nighty I was wearing. I slipped in a tape of my favorite comedienne Paula Poundstone and settled in my chair hugging my bare legs. Not one chuckle issued from me, not one thing she said was funny. I just stared at the screen as if my side of the world couldn't get the joke, only the other side could get the humor of it all and in a way laugh at me for not getting it. I was furious at being left out. Who was God to exclude me? Angrily, I picked up a vase my aunt had given me and threw it at the television; it exploded in a flash and burst of tiny glass shards. I wasn't hurt put I did wonder at what would have possessed me to wreck my brand new black screen 36-inch television. My eyes caught another abomination amongst the wreckage. Another of the little beasties was lying on the carpet right in front of my chair. What in the world were these persistent chunks of flotsam? This time I refused its passive taunts. Then their sinister purpose came to me in a lucid flash. The fatty chunks of cellular ick needed me to pick them up and send them to a grinding doom. Not this time. I turned and went to bed ignoring the whole business as an effect of over dieting. In the morning I would call in sick and see my Doctor.
It became clear, as I lay in the comforting dark, that I had been over compensating. I was unconsciously seeking that media driven image of perfect femininity. It was destroying me. I must endeavor to allow myself to be who I am; right after I get up and grind that little gristle-monster into pulp. I went into the living room and turned on the light. It was not where it was. I could not let it escape me. The kitchen was its obvious destination or I wasn't the Woman's Champion pole-vaulter of Mar Vista High School, unchallenged since 1989. As I believed; it was there on the kitchen counter, inches from the sink, looking at me with whatever it uses for eyes. I grasped it and squeezed the ooze from its despicable little body. I dropped it into the disposer and ground it into paste. I could now rest, feeling complete at having been tested. I had shown proper resolve, endured, and succeeded. A good nights rest was to be my reward. After climbing into bed, I turned off the light and turned on the radio to my favorite late night show. George was talking about shadow beings. I thought to call him about the invasion of the gristle creatures and then thought better of it. Abduction is true enough but an invasion of gristle monsters would never be believed.
I awoke in terror. My arms and legs were frozen, I could not move and for the first time in my life I was helpless and vulnerable. I opened my eyes and tried to scream; there above me, fading in and out of my vision, was a black, misty, monstrous spider half as big as my room. Its legs straddled both sides of my king-size bed. I looked right into its eight shiny obsidian eyes as the rest of its massive body faded from dark black shadow into light gray mist and back again. I knew it knew me. My 'knowing' came up from some where in my stomach and swirled up into my consciousness. The damned little bits of gunk were pieces of the spider, only bits could come through the veil, when I touched 'them'- the spider essence came into me, preparing me for this moment. I tried to scream again but stopped- there was no use. I was chosen because I could see them. Had I been any other woman I would have not seen their little greasy presence. I would be going about my day in sublime ignorance, passive grace, inane glee, or horrid depression. The chunks would be invisible. My own self-proficiency and even minded-ness was my weakness and my strength- or so I believed.
She, the spider from hell or another dimension or wherever, smiled on me with pride. She of course could not smile, but I felt it. She promised me we would conquer all and be sisters. It sounded good but then I wasn't in a position to make rational choices. She became hideously sharp and clear. I should have been wetting myself in fear but she was strangely beautiful. In fact, her gleaming ebony countenance overwhelmed me. She spoke in my mind.
"What you see is a dream. I cannot sustain my size and mass in your world. I have won everything in my world and now must conquer yours. We will do that together, my sister.
Now here was a 'Twilight Zone' moment.
It wasn't a request; she turned to a black smoke and flowed into my mouth and nostrils. I tried to cough but couldn't. I passed out with a wonderful image of an emerald red hourglass in my mind.
***
It took a year to reshape our body. Patience was the greatest of our many virtues. We were still tall but we had curves that would haunt any man's dreams for the rest of their ridiculous lives. It was getting close to time and we were preparing as we sat under a tree in a glorious verdant park, pretending to read. A book we had already read ' A Crack in the Cosmic Egg'. The irony gave us pleasure, a keen sense of humor being another of our virtues. When we ruled this world that would be important.
We must not be greedy this time.
A tiny spider webbed its way down and landed on our arm. It was a beautiful thing, full of love and admiration. It bowed elegantly. We acknowledged its reverence to us and granted it a long and fruitful life.
We are blond now and are wearing a tank top and short shorts. He was sitting on a park bench reading the wall street journal. He had already taken several covert peeks over the top of his paper. We had been hunting this one for three months; he would be the perfect mate. A part of us liked his ass. He was hugely rich, unethical, arrogant and egocentric. He took stupid, greedy, beautiful women as he pleased but we would have him and his fortune. The wedding will be next year and we will go to Alaska for our honeymoon. We need mate only once. It will be so much fun. We will eat him there.
End.
