THE STORY TELLER

Brando wasn't much. He was decidedly too short, too ugly and always ready to put the scam on anyone unaware enough to allow it. His moneymaking activity, lately, had taken an even deeper excursion into the darker realms and he was depressed by it. He didn't like selling drugs. It wasn't his thing. Removing a little money from someone…someone stupid enough to think the world is a fair and safe place… was a lesson to them. Brando considered himself a professional, and preying on the weakness of some poor out of control rube was not, by Brando's loose and flexible morality, at all unethical. For the first time, two weeks ago, in total desperation, he sort of prayed. Brando did not believe in God so he just cast a hopeful line into the cosmos.

It was three in the morning on a rainy Wednesday when he walked into Jammin' Louie's Café © down on twenty- third. The place was empty, and all three hundred pounds of an all-white-clad Louie was behind the counter leisurely wiping out coffee cups. Brando walked in, took off his coat and hung it up on the rack by the door.

Louie's wide face widened further into a daylight bright smile.

"Jump-up- Jesus on a Palomino. Where the hell you been? I ain't seen you over a month now. Thought you maybe got pinched or worse. "Louie poured Brando a cup as the little man climbed up on a stool.

"That's funny- that's that cool Busey thing- from that werewolf  movie- with the kid in the souped- up wheelchair thing. Hey Louie, how's the Mrs.?" Brando put in three teaspoon's of sugar in the coffee and a little cream. He tasted it and put in another teaspoon off sugar. "Good coffee!"

"Thanks! I been buying that gourmet stuff for the night crowd…got more of a kick to it. In the past, 'cept for a few derelicts and hype's, that’s been you and me. Where the hell you been?'

"How's the wife?" Brando asked again with his head down.

Louie turned and poured himself a cup and walked around to sit next to Brando. Only one cheek fit on the stool, and it creaked in complaint. The label, suggesting maximum weight load was on the bottom of the seat and Louie exceeded that by no small amount.

"I heard you started selling sniff uptown. "Louie looked at Brando's suit and pinched a bit of the sleeve and rolled it. "Nice freakin' suit. Powder business good with the glass- tower bunch? Or is this from that Armani grift you pulled off last summer?" There was an edge to his voice.

"Gave up peddling that crap to the swells about three weeks ago. You know how I feel about that. Not right. Me sellin' shit to the swells when I should be bilkin' them."

"Had a fit-o-conscience, huh? Happened to me in Nam…you remember?"

Louie shifted his weight to the other cheek and the poor stool again groaned. He took another sip of coffee holding the mug with both hands. "Never thanked you for helpin' the Missus. and me, it was a grand going out for my Dad. We buried him out of the city- green- real nice. I couldn't have swung it with what this place pulls us in."

Hail drummed against the night dark wall and window; neither man visibly reacted.

"Weather sure is a mess." Brando whispered." …a week they say- rain and hail."

A flash of light and a boom of thunder shook the café.

"Just like that night in Nam." Louie whispered.

"That wasn't your fault if that gov-issue M.P. hadn't fucked with you… let it go- it's past." Brando patted the big mans shoulder with his tiny hands. Thunder roared and the hail was replaced by hard- ass rain.

"A week you say?" Louie turned to watch the rain through the window.

"I haven't been around for awhile. How's the Missus.?" Brando stuck his big nose into his coffee cup and sniffed.

"Smells good don't it?"

Louie rose with a grunt, walked around the counter and poured Brando another cup. "Let me make us a breakfast. I got a little sirloin, couple eggs, potatoes O ' Brian, wheat toast." He walked around to the griddle and stared through at Brando through the pass- through opening. "Joe and Cindy handle the daylight hours for me. You know them. You used Cindy on that Bearer Bond gig a couple years back. Damn!" Louie wiped sweat from his eyes as he worked at their meal. "She still talks about that- mindful she never speaks on the matter outright. She's a clever girl."

"You believe in God don't you Louie? I mean, I know you and your Missus. got Jesus in your hearts."

"Fucking A! You gotta serve somebody." Louie started laughing heartily at the word play.

"You know how I feel." Brando sipped his coffee then put more sugar in the cup and stirred.

"It was hard to find the big G in Nam, sure enough." Louie brought the plates out and put them down on the counter. He poured more coffee for them both, sat down some steak sauce, a jug of jam, and walked around and sat down next to Brando. They ate in silence making 'hmmm' sounds as they chewed.

"If you hadn't fragged that bastard he would have had my drunken ass… shoulda kept clear of that crap. Only it seemed a sure thing."

"How's the place doing Louie?" Brando pointed to the steak sauce Louie handed it to him.

"We're getting on. The wife still got the job at Frank's warehouse. They treat her good.."

Brando reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a wad of bills the size of Louie's fist.

"Mother of…" Louie damn near fell off the stole. " What are you into?"

Brando peeled off about ten thousand in hundreds and put it on the counter for Louie. He never looked at the big man, just continued to eat. Louie just stared at the money, then at Brando, then at the money and then again at Brando.

"Don't be offended. I always let you know when I'm up to something. You always got my back 'cause we've been friends forever. This isn't what you think."

Louie stood up and walked over and stared out the window sipping his coffee.

Brando kept eating as his friend pondered what had just happened. The silence was thick and uncomfortable.

"Took me a year to kick that junk- been clean since. I'm a sinner, sure. But God don't abide no freakin' junkie." Louie spoke with deep remorse in his voice.

"The money is yours, I know you could use it. I didn't come by it in any way you might be thinking." Brando turned his stool to look at his friend. He stood and walked around the counter by the cash register, pulled out a box and opened it. He picked up the money and put it in the box. He walked around the counter, sat, and continued eating his meal.

"Not a bad little steak. Still got the sawed- off behind the counter?"

"Yeah, you never know… Not from sellin' junk, right?"

" Fuck No!"

"Okay!" Louie sat down again. The stool groaned. Louie picked up his fork and knife, going at his steak.

"How about prayer?" Brando barked.

"What about it?"

"Well- if a person don't believe in God, and they were to pray."

"What's the point then?"

"I prayed 'cause I was thinking- well, I wasn't much use to anyone, save you, old friend. I have been letting you down. My brain didn't work like it used to. Nothing came. Here I end up pushing. Damn Louie, I was as low as I could get. So I prayed. I figured it wouldn't hurt"

"You sure answered mine…I took a loan from Frank. It's due with the fucking sun and I didn't have it."

"I remember a JW telling me once, if you pray and don't direct it- you know? Say who it's for…who knows who will answer." Brando looked into Louie's wide-open eyes.

"Jesus, has the beast taken you over?" Louie spit a bit in surprise. He wiped his mouth, staring at his friend.

"The reason I haven't come and the reason I came tonight is the same thing. I had to see you to see if I was crazy." Brando's eyes spilled a tear.

"Crazy is taken a loan from that butthole Frank." He burped loudly. "See how nervous I am…indigestion. He's good to the Ole Lady though. He would never hurt her."

A man walked in, jerking, stretching his neck, grinding his teeth, looking all over the restaurant, acting much like a ferret. The door rang a little bell on a spring attached to the wall. The tweeker jumped and turned at the sound.

"Just a minute Brando. Let me get this mans meal." Louie stood, walked to the back and brought out a large bag. "Okay Joe…Two cheeseburger with everything… a large chilli- fries and a liter of soda. That’s thirteen sixty -five." Joe punched at the register, the drawer opened and the hype nervously counted out crumbled bills. He waved off the change and ran out, looking back at Brando.

"He made you as a Narc- scared him. I'll talk with him tomorrow and settle him down. If that's possible." Louie laughed and cleared away their plates. He came back with a bottle of good brandy. He poured it in both their coffees and hid it behind the counter.

"I got an idea what you're about to tell me will require a little fortification."

Brando gulped the whole cup and slid it front of Louie. A flask appeared from somewhere on Louie's white and stained attire. He poured his tiny friend another snort.

"I've got a fairy at my place."

"A what?" Louie barked." Couple things I can take and some I can't. The Lord don't abide fairies."

"He doesn't?"

"Hell no! I won't have them in here neither. Just last week a pair comes in all dressed up like hookers. But you could tell cause they got Adam's apples." Louie pointed to an unspecified spot on his massive neck.

"Those are transvestites, Louie."

"They sell themselves as girls…that is a sin. Says in the Bible."

"You don't read the Bible, Lou."

"The Missus. does and she tells me."

Brando turned and stared out at the rain. The street was empty.

"You do most your business with odd folks, huh?"

Brando let out a huge and desperate sigh.

"Late- that's what's up and about. Drunks, hookers, tweekers, junkies, strippers, coke heads, skinny wannabe rock stars with dyed black hair and metal sticking through there skin everywhere and I mean everywhere. I for one don't… "

"I have a real fairy at my place- been there two weeks. They're jealous you know"

Brando stood and walked over to his coat. He started to put it on.

"Where you going?" Louie scolded. "I made some apple pie."

Brando stopped and stood with his head down.

"I've always liked your apple pie."

"I got a new recipe…Christ it's amazing. Sit down, buddy I'll cut us both a piece."

Louie went over to a glass case perched on the end of the counter. He pulled out a pie still as yet uncut and perfect.

"Baked it tonight …beautiful ain't it. Emiril's got nothin' on me. After two it's slow. I usually try to get two or three baked for the day crowd."

Brando went back behind the counter and poured himself a glass of water. He pulled out a bottle, opened it and dropped two tablets in his hand.

"Head aches." He swallowed the tablets and sat down on the stool closest to the door.

"I'm lying, this is his recipe. Saw it on cable. He adds a lot more cinnamon than I did. I put in just a touch of allspice and mace too." Louie cut the pie and served it with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. He sat beside Brando taking note of how close he was to the door.

"So this gay bastard - he got something over on you? You seem awful skittish. I ain't seen you act this way since the Tet."

"There ain't a- look! I'm talking about a real fairy. Like in the kids stories."

"Not followin' pal."

"Elves, trolls under the bridge, giants in the clouds…like that. A real freakin fairy! "

Brando starts to laugh and it builds and builds; then just as fast dies down. Brando wipes the tears from his eyes and forks the treat in front of him. He tastes the pie. Louie just looks at him like he's nuts.

"Damn! You are right when you are right. This is the best pie I have ever tasted."

Brando spooned another bite in his mouth. A smidgen of ice cream landed on his lap.

"I'll get you some club soda for that." Louie started to rise Brando put his hand on Louie's sleeve.

"Wait Louie…Watch!"

The spot of ice cream disappeared.

"She takes care of me." Brando said in a low voice.

Louie didn't look. Brando sighed.

"Are you tweeking … seeing things?

Louie's concern was real and desperate and it showed in his face. His friend meant too much to him for him to be acting crazy.

Brando saw the look. He gave it to him long ago when he killed the M.P. And it was Louie who, although happy his friend stepped up, did not like the look he saw on Brando's face. Killing had become too easy for his buddy. They buried the man and Louie swore an oath to Brando, that he always would have his back. But the catch was that when they got home, no more killing. Louie had found a way to channel that energy and Brando had become the best grifter he had ever seen. Even the cops gave him respect. Only the bad went down because Brando had principles.

"You kill someone…oh Mary and Joseph. You found out about Frank. Tell me Pal, you didn't whack Frank. I would have told you if you had come around. Sweet Mary!"

Louie got up and started pacing.

"Saints! What are we gonna do? I gotta get you out of town. Franks a made man."

"Louie calm down. I didn't kill anyone."

Louie stared at his friend for a moment searching Brando's face. His body relaxed. He sat down and the stool broke.

"Damn! Move down here then and tell me what the fuck is goin' on. Jeez you're making me nuts."

Brando walked around and poured himself another coffee. He nodded at Louie, who begged off.

"I told you!" Brando started to laugh. "You see the joke was a freaking fairy. I'm doin' a real live fairy."

"Okay!" Louie rubbed his ample face. " Now you 're gay? This is too much for one freakin' night."

"Lou I'm not gay…I'm doin' a fairy, a girl fairy. You know with wings and all."

"Let me get this straight …you ain't gay. But your boinking a fairy…with wings."

"That’s it!"

"If she 's got wings you must do it from the back…right?"

"Yeah she can't lay down on her back. Did I mention how jealous they are?"

"Brando? You gotta be having some serious flashback shit happening. The chick ain't a girl. It's one of those girl- boys that is dressed up like a fairy princess and runnin' one on you. They come in sometimes, some are genuine pretty and they get me thinking nasty thoughts until I see that their friends got Adam's apples. You check if this fairy got an Adam's apple."

"Louie I've been with her, seen her naked. Make no mistake, this is a girl. The most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She has these beautiful wings."

"She got naked for you? Brando- no offense, but you are not the finest example of manhood available. You are not a handsome man. You got a great heart but you are ugly. You never saw any girl naked unless you paid for it."

"All that is true and I won't take offense. Hell, I know I'm ugly. It's always worked for me- you know. I was always underestimated and that gave me the edge. But for your information, I did see your Cindy naked and she left my place with no complaint."

"You paid her!"

"For the job not the sex. She asked me to do it, which is why she speaks well of me. I'm underestimated in that area too- if you know what I mean."

"All right. She does kind of brag on you. Couldn't figure why."

Brando sat down.

"She said, the fairy, she answered my prayer. She said I was lucky. Anything could have heard it and come. Maybe even something bad. Lucky me." Brando sipped his coffee and went back to his pie. "Great pie."

The two men sat in silence, for a bit, eating their pie.

"So you prayed and a beautiful fairy shows up and screws the shit out of you. I take it she's magical? And that explains the money."

Brando nodded.

"Okay then why are you so miserable?"

"She won't let me out unless…" Brando's voice broke. "She knows my every thought, Louie, my every freakin' thought. She does everything I ask of her. Perfect really. Did I mention how beautiful she was? Did I mention that fairies are jealous."

Louie nodded and rubbed his head. "So why you actin' like this?"

"She won't let me out unless… I get so distracted I can't think right."

"Get to it man, what do you have to do?"

Brando stood up. Looked around then unzipped his pants and let his slacks drop to the floor. Louie didn't want to look at first. But he did.

"Damn, that’s disgusting. Where's Johnson and the boys? You tuck them back the way the girl-boys do?" Louie sat up straight. " Don't ask me how I know that."

Brando opened his knees. There was no package just smooth skin without blemish or mar. He pulled up his pants zipped up, buttoned and sat down.

"If I go out she takes them. So that un-virtuous dollies and trollops, sluts and harlots do not tempt me. That's the words she uses, un-virtuous dollies and trollops."

"She has your goods back at your place?"

"It's why I never went out. I wanted to see you… finally I let her do it so I could come and see you."

"She can put them back on?"

"Yeah, I made her show me first- so I could trust her." Brando choked and almost started crying.

"Oh Pal." Louie patted his small shoulder. "Otherwise good, huh?"

"Yeah, really no complaints." Brando took some napkins out of the metal holder on the counter and wiped his eyes then blew his huge nose. "It's a confidence thing, but I guess I can get used to it and get back in the game."

Louie stood up and looked outside.

"Still raining. Sun will be up soon- not so anyone could tell. Maybe it will clear."

He walked around the counter and leaned down on his vast elbows in front of Brando.

"You are my best friend and I would do anything for you. Don't let something like you being without your package keep you away. Hell, I'd be the only one who knew and I got your back. Always! This time of night it's generally just you and me anyway. You don't need for money anymore, right?"

Brando stared into his coffee cup. "You'll never tell anyone?"

" I'm kinda insulted that you would ask that...I guess you would have to ask given the unusual nature of the situation. I would never tell a soul."

Louie put the rest of the pie back in the glass cabinet and wiped the counter. Washed his hands, wiped them and looked down on his diminutive friend. "Pretty is she?" Louie smiled a smile that would light up the world.

"She is absolutely beautiful. You and yours won't have no worries either, Lou. That’s always been my promise."

"Can't be all that bad then?"

Brando sat up straight and smiled a big ugly smile at his dearest friend in the world.

"Thanks Louie!"

The men enjoyed the silence awhile.

A car drove up and parked right outside the window. Louie looked up as the doors to the black Lincoln slammed. The bell over the door rang. Two thugs dressed in dark suits and overcoats walked in and stood threateningly still. Louie walked over to the register, gave Brando a wink and took out the cash box. He opened it and counted out some of the bills, Brando had given him, and handed it to the man who stood slightly in front. He took the money from Louie without counting and nodded to Louie and, out of respect, to Brando. Both men turned and left. The doorbell rang as they walked outside. The Lincoln started and drove off. Louie stared out the window at the rain falling on the still dark street.

"How's the Missus?" Brando asked.

"She's great, but I don't see her much these days."

End