"I'm not at all interested."
"Well, It's what I want to talk about. I'm getting tired of your constant yammering."
"Nice. I think my trying to understand our relationship is worth talking about. I'm sorry if it sounds like yammering to you."
"Go away! I need time alone."
"All right, fine. I'll go away for a bit. This discussion is certainly not over. A little time apart may do us some good. Get some rest you don't look good."
Commander Blaine sat down. He was exhausted and rubbing his face did not help, a shower was past due. She would be back, all of that concern for him was a ploy. Watching a vid might be nice, but he decided not to, there wasn't a drama he needed more than what he had all ready, he was tired and needed rest.
"That's it! A shower and some sleep." He said it aloud to see if she was nearby.
He climbed out of the command chair and fell to the floor. Weakly he raised himself and stood.
"You are being a bitch and I'm tired …I" m tired of you and I'm just plain tired."
Taking in a deep breath in to his nostrils and blowing out his mouth relaxed him. Then he remembered that he should breath in through his nose letting his belly raise and then blowing out and sucking in his belly. Something inside shuddered, a few more breaths and he would be relaxed. Smiling he walked down the corridor and onto the elevator. He pressed the button and the door opened, soft music seemed to fall on him like gentle rain.
He slept standing there and dreamed.
He was sitting on the porch of his cabin next to lake. The rain had gotten harder. It must have been late afternoon but it was hard to tell.
"Hot chocolate?" Jeanie yelled from inside.
"That would be good. Anything would be good."
They had been married for ten years. It was difficult to get what they had, back. He loved her enough to fight for his marriage, even if she did wander. He really didn't know whether he ever forgave her but it didn't matter right now.
He came back.
"Level thirty sir!" The elevator chirped.
A sign in front of the elevator had an arrow that pointed to the infirmary. The memory, or what ever it was, faded and he stumbled into the well-lit room. He took his keys and laughed at his need for everything to be shipshape. What did it matter if anything was locked? He slammed his fist through the glass of the Med Cabinet, the vial he wanted was right in front because he had reorganized the meds according to his needs. On a tray next to a plat-bed was an injector, he placed the vial in the injector, laid down on the bed, and injected himself with the narcotic.
" Lights all low. Please."
The lights faded almost as fast as he did.
***
The Commander woke and wiped his eyes. He was interested in the time then chided himself. It certainly didn't matter.
She wasn't here. She died long ago from a car crash with her then current lover. He frowned and put the injector back on the tray, got up and cleaned up the glass. When he stood in front of the mirror the image that stared back at him was a horror.
"You have let yourself go, my boy. Go get a shower and a shave. That's an order!"
He saluted the image and with a snappy turn marched out of the infirmary and to the lifts. The elevator said hello and asked how the Commander was feeling. The Commander said fine and requested an ancient earth song.
"I would like to hear 'She's About A Mover' by The Sir Douglas Quintet"
He sang along with the song tapping on the walls trying to emulate the drummer.
When the door slid back, he fell again to the floor and passed out.
***
Water cascaded down his body and brought him to consciousness.
"She's about a mover…Hey Hey Hey!"
There wasn't any need to worry about water, although each warning bell rang louder and louder. The Commander just sang louder and louder. The ship had millions of gallons of water on board and the hydrogen drive would no longer be needed. Where was he going? He climbed out of the shower and dried off. The mirror revealed his face, it had filled out but he didn't like the beard. He lathered up, picked up the antique razor and shaved, enjoying the useless ritual. Men now just smeared a cream on their faces before they bedded down and woke without a beard. He splashed on an after shave and went into his quarters. On the bunk was a dress tuxedo laid out, including a very brief, leopard skin print, underwear. It was an obvious ploy.
"I hope it's prime rib, rare, thick, baked potato with the works. The salad should be a Waldorf, sourdough bread and Kona coffee…Oh I need a lot of coffee."
He dressed and walked to the Mess, stood at the hatchway and looked into the dimly lit room. The Mess was designed for the four hundred crew members no longer on the ship. A tear fell from his eyes, he couldn't remember one single face.
The smell hit him and his saliva glands took over. In the corner, on a single table resplendent with fine china, silver, beautiful crystal, and a single red rose in a wonderful cut vase. He rushed over and sat to the very meal he had hoped. It was delicious. When he was done he enjoyed a chocolate mousse with raspberry sauce and a sweet cup of coffee.
"Are you up?"
"Am I what?"
"Are you up enough to continue our conversation?"
"That was a wonderful meal…the best!"
"Wow…That was very kind. I worked hard to get it right."
"Fantastic… the mousse was the best I have ever eaten."
"I would love to be able to join you."
"No! Why spoil the moment?"
"You look handsome. I like the tuxedo."
"I do too. You have good taste."
"Thank you!"
"I'm going to take a stroll on the view walk."
"Do you want company?"
"No!"
"Very well…but we have to resolve this issue."
The Commander walked out into the corridor and meandered down to the hull of the ship. He punched the palmed sized button and the portal opened to a plastiline tube that ran down a quarter mile on the outside skin of the great ship. The walkway gave an unimpaired view of the splendid blue and green planet below.
This was to be a new hope, a pristine world for the Faithful to grow and thrive. He, Commander Blaine was God's Prophet-Explorer, who promised a Paradise. That of course is not what happened, at least not all that happened. There was no philosophic way to hold the guilt he felt. His mind collapsed into a darkness and prayer to a whimsical god to allow his death.
***
"Are you up?"
"Can you let me at least open my eyes?"
"You seem to be exited. Can I…?"
"No, I have to use the Lave."
"You used to let me."
"I was stupid!"
The Commander went to the bath and came out dressed in a jumpsuit.
"I'd hoped we would get along today."
"You were wrong."
"I made breakfast… Eggs Benedict, fruit, and Kona coffee. Tell me about the islands!"
He walked toward the Mess.
"No, I served it in your Quarters."
He turned around to see the meal on a rolling tray next to his desk. The Commander sat and ate, quietly.
"You're still mad at me. I think you have to listen to my side of the story."
Blaine waved for her to go ahead while he ate.
"You are a deeply religious man and you discovered this planet. It was your intention to start a colony here, away from the corruption of your world. You have done that. All the people that were on this ship are down there and they are thriving. How can you be angry with me?"
"You know what you did."
"I was jealous…I have done everything I could do to have you forgive me."
"How can I forgive you. I'm to small."
"I love you!"
"I know. Dear God I do know."
Instantly, Blaine was sitting on a rock over looking a large lake. The colors of the trees were impossibly green and the lake was aquamarine, a jewel to take your breath away. Sleek golden animals grazed by the thousands in a long valley running down to the lake.
"Are there predators?"
"Yes, It’s a balance your people forgot long ago, they over grew and overran your home planet. Life and death is in a balance or the system erases the failures and creates new forms to better suit the new conditions."
"You kill with ease."
"That’s not fair."
"Still it is a beautiful world. It would be a wonderful place to die."
"Stop it! I told you …you will never die."
"I was called a Prophet I never asked to be a god."
"Do you over-simplify just to anger me. I know you are capable of deeper understandings and profound thoughts. I think you will eventually forgive me."
"My wife on her death bed told me I was a fool for loving someone so selfish and vain. She was injured in a crash with her latest. I guess she never stopped her trysts. It wasn't a confession; it was a terrible statement of pride at having made a fool of someone so pure. My sweet wife was evil and I was a fool."
"Or she was respectful of a man she loved and could never aspire to that high place you dwell. It is a terribly sad declaration not a pride based one. I don't think she was evil, nor are you a fool."
"She was beautiful, you know? I really don't think I was a fool…I got to be with her."
"And she you."
"You are kind and yet still a monster. You destroyed everyone and everything on my home planet. The colonies, without our home world, will implode in war and famine."
She left. The silence lasted for several hours. It usually worked and allowed Blaine to read by himself. Swift seemed to give him more comfort than the Bible. She came back during chapter 23.
"I will not let you do that to me again. You are a hypocrite. You would have killed everyone on your planet if you could. I read your mind and because I was jealous of all those women in your life, I childishly spoke to your Home World. She was asleep, in a coma, when I woke her she was horrified. It was she, not me, who wiped clean the surface of your world. You lost touch with her and she abandoned you. She has since started new life that she could nurture and love. As I do those generations, that you delivered from the desert, who now live down there on the surface. Children thrive, your people still honor you, and are good and happy."
"Do you know where I proposed to my wife? You do, I have told you a hundred times. I proposed to her as we passed the ringed world of Gallan. Does that mean something …all those rings?"
"I want to marry you. I would be your wife."
"How old am I?"
"523 years."
"And all the days Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died. I too have lived a long time. Has it taken so long to wear me down?"
"Are you worn down?"
"What form would you take…all you have been these long years has been a voice, a beautiful rich contralto. I have seen you in my mind so many times. I see you so very different from my wife. You have dark long hair…curly, large green eyes, and full figured. What are we then Man and Planet" The Captain said smiling.
That very woman of his imagination, smiling in great humor, walked through the portal into the Commanders quarters.
"Yes, there you are!"
"Man and wife…I would like to call myself Eve."
"Where will we live, Eve?"
"Any where you want, my love."
"Will we have children?"
"Yes, I would like to have children."
"Then, till death do us part."
"We will never die."
He walked over, giving up whatever in him that kept them apart, to the woman he had known and who had cared for him for 523 years, but had never seen. He hugged her and letting all his regret and relief pour out in tears, he kissed her… passionately.
The End